"What is REAL?" asked the rabbit one day, when (he and the skin horse) were laying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room.
"Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the skin horse. "Its a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.
"Does it hurt?" asked the rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the skin horse, for he was always truthful.
"When you are real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the skin horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are real you cant be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
-Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit.
Many years ago a teenage client of mine gave me this reading I have always kept it in my wardrobe as it meant a lot to me.
Running into a mum today and chatting about a few things it made me reflect on Thomas and his journey through anxiety and his feelings abandonment from his dad.....
No child is perfect and every single one of my boys is very unique and different. I think as parents we shouldn't beat ourselves up if we are faced with challenges that might arise... asperger's, anxiety, speech, hearing, learning difficulties...we aren't all perfect...but we are real and these are real issues that kids can encounter. And there is support out there to help parents get on top of things right now. its not failure by all means......its life. And if you seek out for help that's being the best parent you can be. You are taking the step to help your child be the best they can be.
I look back and I'm so glad Thomas saw a child psychiatrist it has shaped and made him the great young man he is today. I was petrified that all his built up anger and emotions from his dad would all surface when he was a teenager....And I wanted it sorted right then and there so he could enjoy being a kid. I'm going to be honest it was tough for a few years he would lash out get angry wasn't sure how to control how he felt towards his dad, so the counselling help him understand.....why he was feeling like this. I did feel like a failure....but for the future I had to do it for him. Dave supported everything and we could see changes in him after a little bit of time. You have to commit and think of the child... they will be better for it in the long run.
honestly parenting decisions are not easy...but I think as a couple and maternally you know what is the best avenue to take when it comes to your child.
The only real failure in life is the failure to try.................................XXXXXXX
Saturday, 23 February 2013
We had to have the chat with Jonah the other night about ..."being the annoying little brother" when Tom has mates over. You know the usual chat leave them alone, don't be annoying, stay upstairs... Blah blah blah. He took it but you could see the disappointment in his face Mr 6 wanting to be Mr 13.... It's hard not to be a follower... Especially When you have a much older brother. When Toms mates were here Jonah sat at the back stairs and watched.... Everything they did. I watched him jumping out of his skin to get down those back stairs to show them he could keep up... It was cute. He wanted to be one of them. When my husband came home he was down there like a flash... He was in absolute awe... He was talking to them like he had been hanging around them the last 3 years... I have never experienced this feeling as I am the eldest of my family... I remembered getting frustrated and annoyed which I'm sure Tom gets... But standing back and looking at them it was nice to know Tom helped him and made him feel welcome ... I'm glad he set the example.... Because now it's onto the "don't be a follower be a leader" chat to master 6 year old. So many life lessons even when your little.
Monday, 11 February 2013
My little friend...I adore your determination... Yr infectious smile and giggles...your eyes nearly disappear when u belly laugh... You follow your brothers every foot steps...when your mischievous or naughty I think back to when u were lay...ing in a hospital bed staring into my eyes wanting me to help you...and it's ok. You hav taught me how to find joy in the simplest things ... And u spoil me with how much love u give me...u are my little friend my last little boy... U warm my heart everyday knowing you are now healthy and ok...xxx