"What is REAL?" asked the rabbit one day, when (he and the skin horse) were laying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room.
"Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the skin horse. "Its a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.
"Does it hurt?" asked the rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the skin horse, for he was always truthful.
"When you are real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the skin horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are real you cant be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
-Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit.
Many years ago a teenage client of mine gave me this reading I have always kept it in my wardrobe as it meant a lot to me.
Running into a mum today and chatting about a few things it made me reflect on Thomas and his journey through anxiety and his feelings abandonment from his dad.....
No child is perfect and every single one of my boys is very unique and different. I think as parents we shouldn't beat ourselves up if we are faced with challenges that might arise... asperger's, anxiety, speech, hearing, learning difficulties...we aren't all perfect...but we are real and these are real issues that kids can encounter. And there is support out there to help parents get on top of things right now. its not failure by all means......its life. And if you seek out for help that's being the best parent you can be. You are taking the step to help your child be the best they can be.
I look back and I'm so glad Thomas saw a child psychiatrist it has shaped and made him the great young man he is today. I was petrified that all his built up anger and emotions from his dad would all surface when he was a teenager....And I wanted it sorted right then and there so he could enjoy being a kid. I'm going to be honest it was tough for a few years he would lash out get angry wasn't sure how to control how he felt towards his dad, so the counselling help him understand.....why he was feeling like this. I did feel like a failure....but for the future I had to do it for him. Dave supported everything and we could see changes in him after a little bit of time. You have to commit and think of the child... they will be better for it in the long run.
honestly parenting decisions are not easy...but I think as a couple and maternally you know what is the best avenue to take when it comes to your child.
The only real failure in life is the failure to try.................................XXXXXXX