What is Real?

"What is REAL?" asked the rabbit one day, when (he and the skin horse) were laying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room.
"Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the skin horse. "Its a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.

"Does it hurt?" asked the rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the skin horse, for he was always truthful.
"When you are real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the skin horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are real you cant be ugly, except to people who don't understand.

-Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit.


Many years ago a teenage client of mine gave me this reading I have always kept it in my wardrobe as it meant a lot to me.

Running into a mum today and chatting about a few things it made me reflect on Thomas and his journey through anxiety and his feelings abandonment from his dad.....

No child is perfect and every single one of my boys is very unique and different. I think as parents we shouldn't beat ourselves up if we are faced with challenges that might arise... asperger's, anxiety, speech, hearing, learning difficulties...we aren't all perfect...but we are real and these are real issues that kids can encounter. And there is support out there to help parents get on top of things right now. its not failure by all means......its life. And if you seek out for help that's being the best parent you can be. You are taking the step to help your child be the best they can be.

I look back and I'm so glad Thomas saw a child psychiatrist  it has shaped and made him the great young man he is today. I was petrified that all his built up anger and emotions from his dad would all surface when he was a teenager....And I wanted it sorted right then and there so he could enjoy being a kid. I'm going to be honest it was tough for a few years he would lash out get angry wasn't sure how to control how he felt towards his dad, so the counselling help him understand.....why he was feeling like this. I did feel like a failure....but for the future I had to do it for him. Dave supported everything and we could see changes in him after a little bit of time. You have to commit and think of the child... they will be better for it in the long run.

honestly parenting decisions are not easy...but I think as a couple and maternally you know what is the best avenue to take when it comes to your child.

The only real failure in life is the failure to try.................................XXXXXXX

Being the little brother...

We had to have the chat with Jonah the other night about ..."being the annoying little brother" when Tom has mates over. You know the usual chat leave them alone, don't be annoying, stay upstairs... Blah blah blah. He took it but you could see the disappointment in his face Mr 6 wanting to be Mr 13.... It's hard not to be a follower... Especially When you have a much older brother. When Toms mates were here Jonah sat at the back stairs and watched.... Everything they did. I watched him jumping out of his skin to get down those back stairs to show them he could keep up... It was cute. He wanted to be one of them. When my husband came home he was down there like a flash... He was in absolute awe... He was talking to them like he had been hanging around them the last 3 years... I have never experienced this feeling as I am the eldest of my family... I remembered getting frustrated and annoyed which I'm sure Tom gets... But standing back and looking at them it was nice to know Tom helped him and made him feel welcome ... I'm glad he set the example.... Because now it's onto the "don't be a follower be a leader" chat to master 6 year old. So many life lessons even when your little.

My little Tate...

My little friend...I adore your determination... Yr infectious smile and giggles...your eyes nearly disappear when u belly laugh... You follow your brothers every foot steps...when your mischievous or naughty I think back to when u were lay...ing in a hospital bed staring into my eyes wanting me to help you...and it's ok. You hav taught me how to find joy in the simplest things ... And u spoil me with how much love u give me...u are my little friend my last little boy... U warm my heart everyday knowing you are now healthy and ok...xxx

Never too late....

MAN... well haven't written too much in term 2 as it is the most chaotic term in our household every single year. We have rugby 7 days a week, plus working, plus kids sport, plus my husbands many commitments...just utter CRAZY. However Term 3 has hit and I'm feeling a little more on top of it all after that shocking term.

I am currently also studying a diploma in counselling. Yeah a little crazy but hay why not?
My train of thought was i love my job as a hairdresser and I'm wanting to improve my skills when i chat to my clients, so i can help and understand them a little better and know how to handle situations that may arise in conversations we have in my home salon.
I also am very interested down the track to specialise in Woman's health and also first time mother's.
My aim is to open an centre or even a premises that allows me to combine both skills of hairdressing and helping the needs of mums/women. Its my 5 year plan. doing the study now so hopefully when Mr T starts prep i can dive into this 110%.
I attended a workshop yesterday and OMG was it amazing or what. So many beautiful women with so many stories. Blew me away. We did role playing where we had to try and help that person and guide them in the right directions...I had the most amazing time. I had no fear. All the women were over 30 mainly looking for a career change. There was 4 hairdressers...go figure. 4 teachers. a few that worked in government jobs in admin, and a few stay at home mums. One was even 20 weeks pregnant with a 2 year old and didn't want to go back to her old job she has had for 17 years.
There was no judgements no trying to out do each other there was no high maintenance women it was really a great group of women each with there own story. And a lot with "Life" experiences.
I said to my husband last night I'm glad now i have chosen to do this its something that can add to my hairdressing. i learnt yesterday that i show even my hair clients too much feeling the first thing i want to do when i hear someone upset is to console them and tell them its OK, however in counselling its a different approach so yesterday i learnt how to separate the 2 and not get so emotionally involved with my clients. it really did all make sense to me. i also learnt a few positive parenting tips to bring into our home to use on the boys. which i tried last night and worked very well....the SANDWICH AFFECT.......positive/negative/finishing on a positive....ALWAYS.
Mr J thank you for putting your clothes away.....how about next time though you put your socks and undies away too?.......but I'm very proud of you for doing your clothes...good boy!
I think in the busiest of life we can forget the small things like this...it was good to be reminded and do role plays on how to do things a little better....

Totally wasted today though....WOW!!! my brain is DEAD!!!
managed to write a draft of a 1500 word assignment on Saturday night though in between Mr E vomit- ting 4 times through his bed and husband at the rugby union and 2 fight older boys....ARRRRGGGG!!!
And the best thing was normally i feel guilty leaving the family if i have something like this on but this time I didn't ....i was able to focus and concentrate and know everything is totally cool at home, and my husband did a fantastic job. everyone had sleeps washing done....very proud of them all.
A friend wished me good luck on Friday for the workshop and she said....Its so good your boys are seeing a strong, smart hardworking mother as their role model...... then maybe they might not marry a pole dancer.....cracked me up!!!!

I hate using the word disappointed...it sucks!

Last night would of had to have been my toughest night ever (so far) being a tough parent.
Why is it so hard sometimes to keep the standards high...to keep the discipline high...to keep trying to teach them that this will shape them later on in life...i know my stuff, i was a hard core teenager and a pretty driven, motivated person since i can remember, I'm here to help and teach and guide...but obviously these night will happen...sadly.

Master 12 arrives home from school yesterday with a massive headache...i could see his eyes were red and he did look a little unwell. I gave him panadol and sent him to bed to rest and said...rep rugby training is at 6pm we need to leave by 5.30pm so rest till we have to leave. Then i got on with working in the front room.
At 5.20pm all hell breaks loose because master 12 has informed me hes too sick to go to training...i do understand...however if it was school or club training i would have rested him. Rep training is a different story. And its too late to call the manager!!!
I advise him that maybe we go to the training and he informs the coach that hes not feeling the best and can he "take it easy" he goes ...NO!
right...I then go into my spiel about letting the team down...he switched off i think...so i made him get dressed i loaded up all 4 children and headed to Toowong so "I" could tell the coach at least and inform him that Master 12 wasn't 100%. I get a mum to watch the little ones i head to the coach...as I'm heading there a parent asks where's master 12...i said hes not 100% well with a headache. She informs me he better get out there you only can miss 2 training sessions then your dropped BJRU rules for rep teams. Blood is boiling now.
I tell the coach master 12 isn't well, he say's can you get him out of the car because if he gets injured or "really" sick over the next few weeks he would only have one spare training session up his sleeve then he would get dropped. I storm back to the car.
I say to him over and over again while i have a 2year old and a 5 year old fighting...and a 7 month old baby screaming because he wants his bottle....is your headache bad enough to loose one of your training sessions...? I'm not getting out he says!
Me: so if next week your vomiting into a bucket you will have to take that bucket out on the field and train? Can you not just "try " with a headache so you still have 2 training sessions up your sleeve in case you injure yourself at school cross country..? NO!
I started the car and drove home. i couldn't speak. i was so disappointed.
I had the chat with master 12 the week before asking him before we paid the $245 rep kit fee if he was serious and wanted to do it...i got a yes. i said you will be in 3 rugby teams for about 5-6 weeks can you handle this...Yes mum.
you have CIC cross country for school and then regionals are you sure your ok? Yes mum.
cross country money paid...rep money paid.
I think he learnt his lesson that i was disappointed last night that he didn't "try" to go out there, i always say its better to go and then they.. can see how sick you are and they can send you home.. then they can see your commitment.
I think master 5 learnt a big lesson in commitment last night....as master 12 got out of the car this morning for school...cause there was no way in hell he was having the day off. He goes to him..."you have only one chance left...just one chance!" Master 12 is steering  clear of me, he ate his dinner took more panadol and was in bed by 7.15pm last night. I couldn't even speak. But i hope hes learnt his lesson. parenting SUCKS!

flatty flat flat flat!!!

well, yesterday was one of those days where you just have no energy and you just cant be bothered.

Car had to go in and get looked at as it was stalling off and on so i had booked it in for 9am Monday morning after dropping Son #1 and #2 off to school hubby stayed home watching #3 and #4. that shattered me.
then we had to transfer the car seat out of the silver car into hubby's car so we could take #3 and #4 to drop off silver car and hubby could get us home before he headed to work...I'm telling you that was an effort.
get home unload kids, hubby goes off to work.
sleep time...i can usually get them down at the same time which worked a treat again yesterday praise the lord. Now usually as soon as they hit their beds...washing hung out dinner gets prepared before the onslaught of the afternoon sport slash witching hour...I had no motivation to even walk down the back stairs...i pulled out some chicken breasts for dinner out of the freezer...that was it.
phone rings at 12.30pm car is ready...perfect right when 2 kids are sleeping...but i had to get it before the school pick up at 2.45...again the juggling hat goes on...my father in law helps me by bringing my sister in law over to watch the kiddies while he takes me up the road to grab my car...perfect.
not long after getting home i load the pram up and head over to school for son #2. Son #4 falls asleep again.
Home for arvo tea for half and hour then up the road to drop #3 son to mother in law then head to swimming for #1 and #2...with #4 in toe. I ring #1 son to see that he walked home ok...hes ready to walk up to swimming which is a god send because i don't have to do a extra trip to get him.

do the swimming networking thing while sucking down a can of coke to prep me for the nightmare of dinner/bathing/witching hour/a fight or 100....
Head back to grab #3, #1 walking thank the lord.
unload the car...ok dinner...that i should have started at 12...I'm now behind. #3 in bath...#2 watching TV...#4 in walker getting crabby...#1 walks in ...talks your head off for 10 mins then disappears to fight with #2 who was minding his own business....let the fighting begin. as that starts #3 starts screaming he wants to get out of the bath...#4 starts screaming had enough of the walker...and theres a punch up in the lounge room...rice nearly boiled dry as i have to feed #4...and get #1 to get #3 out of the bat before he floods the floor like 3 out of 7 nights last week...
dinner finally cooked....#1 starting to whinge cause he "starving' from swimming...going as fast as i can mate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
plates on table drinks poured...i sit down with a baby on my lap who falls asleep while feeding....
one word EXHAUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
should have not wasted my time during the day i suppose...but some days your just flatty Mcflatty!! i couldn't get motivated. paid for it at 5pm didn't i...that will teach me...
today...washing done, dinner sorted, kids asleep and i even listed some baby things on ebay....now to gear myself up for this afternoons events.......NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! lol

let kids be kids...

well its been another interesting week...

An email from a cranky parent about their son and rugby, followed by a write up in the courier mail about my husbands rugby...it really never ends.

We all think our kids are the best! My god its only natural as a parent to want them to succeed and do well in their life. And its our job as a parent to steer them in the right direction. As you know i have 4 boys and i can tell you right now each one of them is different. And I'm glad they are.

I think there is a line though that as a parent you need to STOP and take a step back.

Grading for son #1's team was last Sunday and yes i was a little nervous. There are a lot of very skilled kids out there and half back is a very specific position in rugby union and very sort after so yes i was nervous for him.
we had a little chat before the trials and once out on the field my nerves soon faded as he was ticked on the list quiet quickly and he had got it on his own merit too as my husband is the coach but they had independent selectors watching the boys. that's done and dusted....whew! and i was so happy for him because hes with his friends and also playing in div 1 again which is a great opportunity for him to develop as a player.

2 boys from our team last year however did not make it. So here comes the email. It was independently looked at. There is much anyone can do when everyone takes a step back and outsiders come in the look at the boys. Its life not getting picked. And we had talked to son #1 about this happening. Sometimes in life you do also have to prepare your kids that its not always going to go "their" way. what happens if you don't get picked for the job you go for? are you going to email and complain?

As for the "drama" that my poor husband is dealing with (these boys are older), And sometimes have chips on their shoulders...but again sometimes things in life don't go to plan or clash...so then you make a choice. Many things in your life will clash with something else or you may have work commitments or sporting commitments that's when you decide "whats the most important to me?" and then wear the consequences of your decision. If that means you don't play first XV rugby because you want to play club league then do it. Life is about CHOICES. you will soon realise if you have made the right or wrong choice.
What also annoys me is some of these boys whose fathers are now "running the show" don't credit my husband really to anything. The boys do. But really they would not be where they are without the guidance,support and belief may husband has in them. And as an outsider waiting for my husband to walk in at 7pm to have dinner with us its annoying. When you attend a catholic private school in your interview you are clearly made aware School sport comes first club comes second. You always choose school first. So where is the loyalty? And the team spirit? or is it now everyone for themselves? My husband is trying to prove a point and set the standard for future years that you cant let your team mates and school down.

My son takes pride in his school. He wears the uniform with pride everyday he puts it on. He plays division 1 club but can only make the C's at school but he still gives it 110% because he loves his school. isn't that what its all about?

And i get that these parents want contracts with NRL clubs and want their sons to go on and be the "BEST" but come on find a balance. Don't threaten to switch schools..take them away from their friends disrupt their second last or last year of high school...i don't get it.

Theres always a solution. But you have to remember the people who got you there and helped you along the way.
and we all want whats best for our kids but you don't have to be a over bearing in your face parent.
Your kids are watching that behaviour and it will turn into a never changing cycle.

Enjoy them don't push them away with what you think is right for you. We have lived our childhood. Let them live theirs!

XXXX