Very busy last couple of days...son #4 very hard to settle after still not being 100% and in full school swing...uniforms for son #2 starting prep (cant wait for him to start as i think he really needs it) plus school books for son #1...and trying to write up a new schedule for sport/work/homework and meal plans for the week....but that's not what i want to talk about tonight.
Tonight i want to talk about son #1.
before i start i have to give a bit of a brief background, very brief...
I got married to son #1's dad when i was 21. And had him at 22.
I wanted to be a parent and he didn't he struggled with the responsibility where i loved it.
Its funny sometimes when you think you are doing things in the right order it really isn't.
engaged, marriage, children....isn't that right??? It ended. And is was very much for the better. ii have no regrets though as i was able to meet and raise my beautiful #1 son.
We then went on to have a very tough time with #1 sons father. it has gone on for years where he is in and out of his life and even at one stage when he was 4 years old didn't pick him up from daycare for his weekend visit...he had moved overseas without telling us. He then popped back up with a wife and child 4 years later when my son was 8 and wanted to take off from where he had left off.
My husband and i have been there for him every step of the way with counselling, encouragement and having open communication all the time....
My son decided last year after approx 20 something court visits and over $50,000 in legal fees that he was better off not knowing his dad the disappointment of having him return into his life then at any moment decide to leave i think was too much for him as he is 11 now. he made a trip on a plane to see him in December 2010 and from that visit he has decided not to contact his dad again after telling us himself.
I think you get to a point where you take a step back and say i have done as much as i can, with trying to encourage a relationship that just isn't going to work because of too much time passing.
I'm so very proud of my son. he is very resilient. He is a intelligent, popular and sporty young man. and i often picture myself at his year 12 graduation thinking my husband and i have raised and amazing boy. With everything he has gone through emotionally he has turned out exceptional...he could have been "damaged" or play the poor me card...but he doesn't. He often says to me i love my life i don't want it to change.
We have had the privilege to watch him grow and mature. And i often find myself saying why has he been treated like this by his father? He now has 3 girls of his own. that he obviously spends time with and loves very much...why couldn't he do that with his son? what couldn't he give him the time and love? and make the effort that any parent should with their children? i used to get really upset because if you ever get to meet my son he is great with little kids, very polite, well mannered, and has the most down the earth personality...but he wont get the opportunity to ever know that because he has made the choice after many attempts from us to give up on his son. I don't get sad about it anymore. Because life is about choices, i may have made the wrong choice marrying him but i was given a beautiful son.
your life is determined by the choices you make. My choice is to enjoy watching my son grow into a man. To hold his hand as he grows, and to be with him every step of the way so he knows he can trust me and depend on me and i will be there for his failures and his success. that's my choice because i chose to be a mother.